Huff & Stapes

It's The DC Subway Violinist All Over Again

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 12:07:00 -0500

A man stood in a hospital delivery room in Washington DC and started to throw baseballs; it was a cold October morning. He pitched nine perfect innings with about 14 strikeouts. During that time, since it was busy, it was calculated that three children were born, most of them without complication.

Three innings went by, and a young pregnant woman noticed there was a ballplayer throwing. She slowed her breathing, and watched for a few seconds, and then hurried up to have her baby.

An inning later, the ballplayer received his first fistpump: a woman threw her hand in the air after a sick go-down-looking curveball, and continued to dilate.

A few innings later, someone leaned against the wall to watch to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to work again. Clearly he was a doctor and had a life to bring into the world.

The one who paid the most attention was a 31 year old husband. His wife tagged him along, hurried, but the man stopped to look at the ballplayer. Finally, the wife pushed hard, and the man continued to videotape the birth of his child, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other terrified new dads. All the mothers, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 9 innings the ballplayer threw, only 6 people stopped and watched for a while. About 9 gave him the wave, but continued to deliver babies at their normal pace. He collected 8 K’s. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the ballplayer was Randy Johnson, one of the most talented pitchers in the world. He had just pitched one of the most amazing games ever recorded, with an arm worth tens of millions dollars.

Just a few years before his playing in the delivery room, Randy Johnson sold out at a stadium in Arizona where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Randy Johnson playing incognito in the delivery room was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and watch to one of the best pitchers in the world playing the perfect game of baseball, how many other things are we missing?

NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO THE STUPID FUCKING VIOLINIST ON THE FUCKING SUBWAY BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO WORK YOU FUCKING NUMBSKULLS. WHO FUCKING CARES.

“If the violin came on time and took people to work on itself, people would probably be all about the violin.” — Scott Huff

New England Patriots Fans are Rooting for Sex Offender Think...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:42:00 -0500

New England Patriots Fans are Rooting for Sex Offender

Think this will affect the spread?

Huff & Stapes is on the Toad Hop Network! Click for full video and audio episodes

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:12:00 -0500

Huff & Stapes is on the Toad Hop Network! Click for full video and audio episodes

Or Dervs - a Huff & Stapes mini chat log

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:07:26 -0500

Huff: I don't know why, but it really tickles me to spell hors d'oeuvres - "or dervs." Dervs
just looks funny.
Stapes: I want to know what the other option is. The other thing must be really bad.
Huff: It's s'luts. 'sluts pussays.

Our first XM promo aired two days ago. It...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:03:40 -0500

Our first XM promo aired two days ago. It begins…

Thursday nights on Extreme Talk XM 165 - 6pm Pacific/9pm Eastern

Like us? Then Like us. Huff & Stapes FB page now live - click HERE

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 13:45:00 -0500

Like us? Then Like us. Huff & Stapes FB page now live - click HERE

We Didn’t Quit the Podcast — The Remastered Singleby Huff...

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:28:00 -0400

We Didn’t Quit the Podcast — The Remastered Single
by Huff & Stapes

Huff and Stapes, Jacki Bray, took a long Vay Cay
Here’s-what we’ve up to, to the tune of Billy Joel

Huff has gotten out of shape, Stapes lost of lot of weight
Guys on FOX, not on FOX, Big Game’s a Web show.

Jacki Bray, Cal State, took five years to graduate
Rich Joe, Can’t pay his rent, he still got an assistant

On a drug called Charlie Sheen, everybody’s #WIN-NING
Tigerblood, the Goddesses, two and and a half Ashtons!

We didn’t quit the podcast
Sorry you missed our funny
We were earning money
We didn’t quit the podcast
We’re back, you can listen
Now please stop your bitchin’

Joseph’s Ballin’, First class seat, on Southwest, his job is sweet.
Scott - assistin’, paper-clippin, toner-re-stock

Earth-quakes, J. Assange, Burlusconi, Bunga
Mu-ba-rak walks, Weiner tweets his cock

Football, Lock out, Huff is cursed, no doubt,
Marijuana, Amsterdam, Stapes banged a poker fan

Mark Dog, quits his job, album Club and weight loss,
Single-Stapes, flees the States, Huff details his Prius!!!!!

We didn’t quit the podcast
It’s called a hi-atus
Why don’t you fellate us?
We didn’t quit the podcast
No we didn’t leave it
It was a reprieve, shit

Trump Stumps, Romney’s Back, Badgers Strike, Sony Hack
Blago-ya-avich, retrial, Flip cam had to file

Ipad two, sold out at malls, Kirstie Alley dance falls
Schwarzenegger love child, Stapes’s Guinea Gramma dies…

Uh ho, uh ho…
Oprah Winfrey, re-tires, o-ba-ma, birth deniers
Glee on Tour, work blows, sorry we were no-shows

Becca Black, Frid-ey, Kaddafi from ‘83.
TBS signs Coco, teens die from four lo-ko!!!

We didn’t quit the podcast
Well, we almost quit it,
Now we’re recommitted!
We didn’t quit the podcast
Back for good now ho-nest,
But that’s not a promise

It Gets Better, Hashtags, Kobe Bryant might hate… gays
Dot com, Teen Mom, Snooki-Sitch-Ron Ron

Lively shows her labia, Twitter Biebermania
King’s Speech, Packer’s win, William weds Middleton

Strauss-Khan, IMF, pillow mints and forced sex
Jacki Bray, Clint’s not Gay, what else do I have to say!

We didn’t quit the podcast.
We were paying our bills
By being corporate shills
We didn’t quit the podcast
Paid for Huff’s wife’s new car
and Stapes tabs in the bars

Nazi helmer at the Cannes, Natalie is back again
Seals Got, Kill Shot, Bin La-den, Grows Pot

Jacki drinks a lot of wine, Huff gets invisalign
Eulojokes for Macho Man, Lumet and Kevorkian

iPhone 4, Hang-over 2, American Idol Blew
Angry Birds, Egypt trends, Tweet, Post, Words with Friends

Radiation on the shores, Porno in Osama’s Drawers
Joey Banged Two Euro Whores, I can’t take it anymore!!!

We didn’t quit the podcast
It’s called a vacation
Sorry you’re impatient
We didn’t quit the podcast
Cause when we retire….
It’ll be a dumpster fire…fire…fire…

We didn’t quit the podcast
It was percolating
We’re equivocating
We didn’t quit the podcast
We were busy tweeting
kept our families eating

We didn’t quit the podcast
But we’d do it twice,
if the price was right,
We didn’t quit the podcast!…

What did you think of Oscar hosts Anne Hathaway and James...

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 05:39:00 -0500

What did you think of Oscar hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco? Great job? Did you want to cut off your arm? Who cares. The Huff & Stapes Oscar Medley is here for your enjoyment.

Strip Club or Hair Salon Game - Available NOW!

Sun, 31 Oct 2010 14:33:49 -0400

Strip Club or Hair Salon Game - Available NOW!:

Strip Club or Hair Salon game is out! Get it now for FREE at http://j.mp/9qipW7 Please share on Twitter and Facebook, you can do it directly from the app. And tell your friends!

Fan of the show The Greenkeeper made this song for Huff’s...

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 23:20:00 -0400

Fan of the show The Greenkeeper made this song for Huff’s alter-ego. Stapes thinks that since he created Huff’s alter-ego “The Huffster” that means that the song is for him. Either way, it’s really well done. It’s like Dennis Leary meets Peter Bjorn and John.

Huff: Is it true that in an recent interview you were asked what is hotter: your voice or megan fox, and you answered your voice with a straight face.

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 18:30:43 -0400

Not true. That was The Huffster.

This is what happens when Ebay feedback is demanded of Stapes. ...

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 16:39:10 -0400

This is what happens when Ebay feedback is demanded of Stapes. You want feedback? He’ll give you feedback.

Huff do you have a problem looking yourself in the mirror knowing that you drive a Prius whilst the Wife gets around town in a TT / Merc C?

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 13:54:00 -0400

Big Pon,

That’s a great question. Though more of a two parter really.

Do I have a problem looking myself in the mirror: no never. I’ll let you figure out why. Hint: Rhymes with “fans-dumb.”

Do I think that the bulk of my life’s wages will be surrendered to the purchase and repair of exotic vehicles for my wife. Yes. Yes I do.

I was listening to an older show (circa march '09), and Scott mentioned one of his friends attacking him naked and breaking his computer. Why did he attack Scott naked??

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:22:28 -0400

He attacked Huff naked because Huff and some other college friends had antiqued him (thrown flour on him while he was sleeping) against his protestations.

Thanks for reminding us of this harrowing incident, why don’t we talk about Huff witnessing that guy who tore his scrotum while we’re at it.

We have the best fans in the world.

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 01:48:27 -0400

We have the best fans in the world.

Will there be anymore updates for the awesome Iphone App?

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 12:16:00 -0400

If Jacki can handle dating a web designer and an app programmer at the same time. We’re working on some new apps with Alex, but we assume an update is forthcoming at some point in the fall.

Bystanders: If you haven’t downloaded the Two Jacks app yet from the iTunes store click below:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/two-jacks-in-the-hole/id367299080?mt=8

A-Hole Traveler Files #3 - British Edition

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 01:57:00 -0400

Two Jacks in the Hole listener James is from Newcastle (like the beer). Newcastle is in Great Britain. Some of the text below may be difficult to understand, so we’ve taken the liberty of translating some of the note for you (our notes will be in parentheses and bolded like this). The bottom line is, this traveler that James came across was a real a-hole, and has been added as the #3 most wanted a-hole traveler in our Huff and Stapes A-Hole Traveler Files.

Alright chaps (guys),

I was on the train from Newcastle to London (the capital of England) on Saturday - a bank holiday in england - and the train was predictably fully booked.

A girl next to me was curled up in a ball spilling over onto my seat, pretending to be asleep. I took a deep breath (drank 5 pints) and put up with it for an hour (immediately punched her in the teeth) until someone got off at the next stop and shifted seats before the new people got on.

My new neighbour (neighbor), got up and down somewhere between 10-15 times through the rest of the three hour journey (gotta hate that guy) (his parentheses, smart ass), all the while singing to himself. But the original girl took the crown when I looked back to where I was sitting previously, past people standing up in the aisle, and saw her lying across 2 seats with her head hanging in the aisle taking up two seats and scowling at everyone who had the gall to walk past and brush her. Pic of the girl attached. keep up the great work.

Best regards (bugger off, c-words),

James in Newcastle

Have an A-hole traveler that needs to be put on blast? Send us a photo and a description to us@huffandstapes.com or twojacks@pokerroad.com

why does the donated money go to Clint`s paypal account? "Balcom & Nobody" has to be funding webcam banging in one way or another....

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:18:52 -0400

I am sure that most of the money will go to an HD cam for Jacki and Clint to webcam bang. Our hope is that there is enough left over to buy Mark Dogg tacos once a month.

Why is this site so awesome?

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 20:04:41 -0400

Because our news girl puts out.

A-Hole Traveler Files #2

Fri, 03 Sep 2010 13:52:00 -0400

Welcome to the A-Hole Traveler Files - a place for us and YOU to put jerky travelers on blast for their crimes against convenience and ease of movement across our globe.

This A-Hole traveler comes to us courtesy of Jan - a Two Jacks listener - with this story:

I recently had to fly from China to Germany, which took around 10 hours. During the flight I listened to the last 2-jacks episode where you mentioned your plans to post pictures of a-hole travelers. Timing was perfect because the overweight gentleman right in front of me happened to be an excellent example, so I asked the guy I was traveling with to take a picture of us while the douchebag was asleep.

Let me briefly summarize:

When lunch was served, the stewardess asked him to put his seat in the upright position. He ignored her, so I tapped him on the shoulder and kindly asked him to do so. He turned around and angrily told me the he was “trying to sleep”. Four or five times he asked the stewardess to bring him some extra stuff.

When we finally approached the airport, the stewardess asked him to turn out his little TV, which he of course ignored. When she came back and asked him again he started to argue with her, but finally turned it out. At least thats what it appeared like, but as I noticed he still had his headphones on and was obviously listening to something. Needless to say he was one of the first jumping out of his seat when the plane had landed.

Have an A-Hole traveler you want to add to our most wanted list? Send a picture and story to us[at]huffandstapes[dot]com or twojacks[at]pokerroad[dot]com.